I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
