If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
His hands were made for my vagina.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
