i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
