Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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