what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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