the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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