I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
