Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize