my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
