I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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