So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
