I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
