i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
operation harelip BJ is a go
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
