You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
