Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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