is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
