My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Umm I'm too high to move.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize