somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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