his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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