I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
