So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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