So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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