I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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