My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
