I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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