there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
