Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
