fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
