Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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