vagina is talking i cant
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize