Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
