SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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