I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
