Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
