I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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