just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize