Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
