she kept yelling 'call me bella'
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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