girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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