I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
