One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
