People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
