I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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