did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
