Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
