I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
