I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
