They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
