We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
