an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
