I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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