Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize