Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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