dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
