somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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