take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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