what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
