After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
