Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
