Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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