My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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