And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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