My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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