Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
