You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
