i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
