I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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