how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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