considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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