He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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