I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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