Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
