Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize