i may or may not be watching the land before time
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
