Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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