Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
