Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
