Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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