I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
