Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
