lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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