Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
