It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
