sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
