This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
