just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
