I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
