listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's never too late to be topless.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
