I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
