There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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