bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
this just has baby written all over it
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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