At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize