i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
