hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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