i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
