dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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