remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
