I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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