Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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