I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
