Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
