belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
